TOMORROW

so tomorrow is the not-so-big day that I’m completely over-stressing and over-worrying about. ask my girlfriend. I’m driving her crazy. please feel bad for her. I’m really annoying.

anyway, I have to get an endoscopy tomorrow at Temple University Hospital because of how many complications I’ve had with that general region of my body for about the past month and a half or so. this should be a shitload of fun.

even though I realize that doctors are completely competent and capable individuals and not every average person from the street can just be like “OH HAI THERE… LET ME SHOVE A TUBE DOWN UR THROAT NOW LOLZ”, I’m still concerned for a few irrational reasons:

• I’m afraid the doctors are going to play a practical joke and tie my intestines into knots. you see, if I were a doctor, I would think this would be really funny (maybe that’s why I’ll never be a doctor); however, this is a genuine concern of mine, and you shouldn’t make fun of me under any circumstances.
• I’m afraid the doctors are going to steal my colon and try to sell it on Amazon or, even worse, eBay (it’s completely classless and tacky to have your organs sold on eBay, and that just makes my self-worth drop even lower).
• I’m afraid the doctors aren’t going to give me enough anesthesia, and I’m going to wake up halfway through the procedure freaking out. as fun as it was (not) to have the NG tube done in the emergency room, I don’t want to have to watch and feel parts of my body being (unnaturally) invaded again.
• I’m afraid that I’m going to forget about the fact that I’m not supposed to eat or drink anything before the procedure when I wake up tomorrow and accidentally ingest something. OR WORSE, what if I accidentally swallow water while I’m brushing my teeth?!?!
• I’m always really wary about medications, and I’m really concerned about how I’m going to feel while under the effects of the anesthesia. that’s why the only person I completely and totally trust is coming to pick me up.
• I’m also really afraid that I’m going to be deathly allergic to the anesthetic that they give me, and I’m just going to die on the table.
• I’m also really afraid of the results. I have a lot riding on this stupid medical procedure, and I don’t know what would happen if they tell me that I’m completely 100% healthy. on the other hand, I’m also really scared about what they’ll find. what if I have some weird disease that is completely incurable and only gives me 2 days to live?!

now, after getting that ridiculousness out of my system, I feel slightly better. I’m in the midst of talking myself out of writing a will just in case. thanks for bearing with me.